Does sleep training affect attachment? In a word, NO! Let’s get that clear upfront. Sleep training, a common practice among parents, involves teaching babies to sleep independently. Some worry that this might harm the essential parent-child attachment. However, as we explore this topic, you’ll find that the link between sleep training and attachment isn’t as straightforward as it seems.
As a mother, I vividly remember the days when my baby’s sleep patterns seemed like a riddle I just couldn’t solve and I also wondered does sleep training affect attachment? The struggle to get a good night’s sleep was real. That’s when I began exploring the world of sleep training, a journey that left me with numerous questions, especially about its impact on attachment.
In this article, I’ll take you on a journey to explore why you might consider sleep training, when to start, and how to nurture attachment during this process.
- What is attachment and why does it matter for infants?
- What is the connection between sleep training and attachment
- Which Sleep training method is right for you?
Table of Contents
What is Sleep Training?
Let’s start with the basics. Sleep training is a method many parents use to help their babies learn to sleep independently. It involves teaching your baby to fall asleep and put themselves back to sleep on their own, without relying on rocking, feeding, or other sleep associations. It’s a path toward more peaceful nights, but does it affect attachment?
What is Attachment?
Attachment is a deep emotional bond between you and your baby. It’s the foundation for their sense of security, trust, and emotional well-being. Attachment begins to form after birth and continues to develop as you respond to your baby’s needs and cues. As you respond to their needs and their cues they build trust and love for you as well.
They see that when they communicate their needs they can trust you to meet their needs. You are setting a tone for their growth, development, and future relationships by being that first meaningful relationship in this world. Secure attachment leads to confident, emotionally intelligent adults who can contribute to society in the future.
Will Sleep Training Affect Attachment with My Baby?
Here’s the reassuring part: No, sleep training doesn’t have to harm your attachment with your baby. In some cases it can actually improve attachment. Numerous studies have shown that sleep training, when done gently and responsively, doesn’t negatively impact attachment. In fact, it can lead to better sleep for both you and your baby, which can, in turn, enhance your daytime interactions and bonding.
Why Should I Sleep Train my Baby?
Sleep training can be a game-changer for your family’s well-being. It helps your baby establish healthy sleep habits, leading to longer and more restorative sleep periods. This means more energy for playtime and natural development during the day. It’s not just about convenience; it’s about ensuring your baby gets the sleep they need to thrive.
It goes beyond improving your baby’s sleep alone; it positively affects maternal and paternal well-being by reducing fatigue and stress, contributes to postpartum healing, helps prevent mood disorders, promotes family harmony, supports your baby’s healthy development, and fosters confidence, independence, and quality bonding time, creating a nurturing environment that benefits everyone in the family.
When is the Best Time to Start Sleep Training?
Alright, let’s talk about timing. When should you kick off this sleep-training adventure?
Here’s the deal: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer because every baby is unique. But generally, most experts say you can start thinking about it around 4 to 6 months old, But personally I feel it’s better when your baby is about 5 months old.
Why? Well, around that age, your baby might be more ready to learn some sleep skills. They’ve had a bit of time to adjust to the world outside the womb, and their sleep patterns start to become more regular.
But remember, there’s no rush. You know your baby best. If they’re not ready or if it doesn’t feel right for your family, that’s okay.
Also, it’s good to keep in mind that sleep training isn’t a magic solution for every sleep issue. Sometimes, it’s about tweaking routines or making adjustments to their sleep environment.
And remember, it’s never too late to establish good sleep habits. Whether your baby is 9 months, 13 months, or even 18 months old, you can still work on creating a healthy sleep routine. I had to start sleep training again for my almost 18 month old when we got out of healthy habits after growth spurts, teething, and a move.
Tips for Ways to Improve Attachment During Sleep Training
Every sleep training method is a little different, but these tips can help you regardless of which method feels right for you. These can help your little one feel supported through this new change.
Maintain Consistent Bedtime Routines
Even during sleep training, keep a consistent bedtime routine. This can include reading a story, singing a lullaby, or gentle cuddling before placing your baby in their crib.
Responsive Check-Ins
If you’re using the “cry-it-out” method, consider brief, timed check-ins to reassure your baby you’re there for them. Gradually increase the time between check-ins as your baby learns to self-soothe.
Daytime Bonding
Make the most of your waking hours together. Engage in interactive play, cuddle, and respond to your baby’s needs during the day to strengthen your attachment.
Which Sleep Training Method is Right for Me?
As a mom, I know how important it is to understand the various sleep training methods, their pros and cons, and who they might be suitable for while considering our bond with our babies. Let’s break them down:
Ferber Method (Graduated Extinction):
What It Involves: This method involves allowing your baby to cry for short periods, then comforting them, and gradually increasing the time between check-ins until they learn to fall asleep on their own.
Pros:
- Baby can learn to self-soothe
- Establish a sleep routine
- Independent naps and night time sleep
Cons:
- Parents may find this distressing to listen to your child cry
- Babies may appear to struggle to adjust to this change.
I have personally tried this method and I found this method to be effective in teaching my child to independently sleep and put herself back to sleep when she wakes up in the middle of the night. It was hard for me to handle at times, but my husband was a strong resource to help me stay strong and follow the plan. She was sleep trained in about 7 days. This was life changing for me and it changed my experience at work and at home. If you want to learn more about my experience sleep training check out my blog post here about the Taking Cara Babies sleep training course.
Who It’s Good For: Parents who want a structured approach with gradual independence.
No-Tears Approach (Attachment Parenting):
What It Involves: This method encourages immediate response to your baby’s needs, co-sleeping, and on-demand feeding.
Pros:
- Fosters attachment and closeness
- Less tears and stress for parents
Cons:
- It can be difficult to get your baby to sleep independently
While this approach can create a strong attachment, it can also make it challenging for your baby to learn to sleep independently, which can lead to sleep struggles. I used this method with my first daughter when she was going through teething and growth spurts. I felt like I was doing what was best for her and it was easier on me, because I didn’t have to listen to her cry. Unfortunately I was constantly exhausted and as a working mom it didn’t work for me long term.
Who It’s Good For: Parents who prioritize a strong attachment and are comfortable with the baby’s presence during sleep.
Cry-It-Out Method (Extinction):
With this method, you let your baby cry until they fall asleep without any intervention. That means you put your baby in bed and allow them to cry until they fall asleep. You do not go in to see your infant until the morning.
Pros:
- Typically ends with a sleep trained child in a short period of time.
Cons:
- It can be emotionally challenging for infants and parents.
- There is a lot of crying involved
I personally have not tried this method. I personally could not handle how much crying is involved. I felt this wasn’t best for me or my child. It’s really tough. However, to have a sleep trained baby in a few nights may be totally worth it.
Who It’s Good For: Parents who are prepared for some short-term distress for potentially better long-term sleep independence.
Chair Method (Gradual Withdrawal):
In this method you sit by your baby’s crib but move farther away each night until they can fall asleep on their own.
Pros:
- It provides gradual comfort and independence
- Baby still feels safe because you are close, but without having to hold your infant.
Cons:
- Time consuming for parent and baby
- It may not work for all infants, it may be more distressing to see you close without being in your arms.
This is a method that is a nice middle ground. There will be some crying, but you can still be close to your baby to feel like you haven’t left them alone to figure it out. It can take some time and will probably take longer for your baby to learn to sleep independently.
Who It’s Good For: Parents seeking a middle-ground approach that balances comfort and independence.
Pick-Up/Put-Down Method:
This method involved you pick up your baby when they cry, soothe them until they’re drowsy, then put them back in the crib.
Pros:
- You can provide reassurance without giving in to every demand.
- They are still able to learn self soothing techniques.
Cons:
- It can be physically demanding for parents.
- Can take longer to sleep train.
This is a very responsive method and can be very comforting for both you and your baby. There are much less tears involved, but it may not be for everyone or every baby.
Who It’s Good For: Parents who want to soothe their baby without overstimulating them.
Remember, the impact of these methods can differ from baby to baby. Your choice should align with your parenting style and what feels right for you and your little one. And no matter which method you choose, maintaining a loving and responsive connection with your baby during the day is essential for a secure attachment.
Final Thoughts
As a mother, I understand the concerns that come with sleep training. But remember, it doesn’t have to be a threat to your attachment with your baby. In fact, it can be a step towards healthier, happier sleep patterns for both of you. Be patient with yourself and your baby, and seek support from your pediatrician or a sleep consultant if needed.
In the end, the goal is to create a nurturing environment that fosters attachment while also ensuring everyone in the family gets the rest they need. Sleep training can be a part of that journey, making life as a parent just a little bit easier, and ensuring your baby is well-rested and content. Sweet dreams Mama!
Jess is a registered nurse with over 6+ years of critical care experience for patients young and old and is the mother of two small children. After having her own children she felt inspired to provide mothers with real actionable guidance and education to make informed decisions throughout their pregnancy and postpartum experience.
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